07, 12, 2015

from bleak to beautiful

as I sit down and mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and academically prepare for my last full week of my first semester of college, I really don’t even know where the time went. I don’t know where the four months I looked at with a 50/50 combination of fear and excitement, back in august, went. I know there were a lot of Torchy’s tacos consumed and a lot of sleepless nights (caused by a wide variety of things), but today it’s a blur and I can look back at it and laugh now that the papers and exams are (almost) over.

but in the midst of all the very microscopic storms I encountered, I can assure you I wasn’t laughing. I wasn’t laughing during those sleepless nights or when I felt overcome with homesickness (and other sicknesses thanks to the sleepless nights). in the midst of the storms I was crying, reevaluating, thinking, questioning, praying, and a multitude of other words ending in ‘ing’. during the storms the skies looked black and I felt my ship being seriously tossed, the only things I could see pouring from the sky were new exams to take and new challenges and temptations to overcome.

now here we are.

the time passed.

I survived.

and I really don’t know why I felt the need to cry or reevaluate or question during those storms because looking back now I had absolutely no reason to. I had no reason to question my choice to come to Texas A&M, reevaluate my choice of major, or even cry because I was missing my family so so so S.O. much. but the one thing I did have every single reason to do was to take the time to sit down with a thankful heart and count the crazy amount of new blessings that were pouring into my life. new blessings that I refused to take the time to sit still and watch fall from above. blessings big and small flowing so fast I would’ve probably lost track trying to count them all. a new church family, new knowledge about this big world that I had the opportunity to grasp, new friendships to make, new discussions to have, NEW EVERYTHING and now that I’m making the time to sit and count them I can’t help but see Isaiah 43:19 literally come alive in my own life:

Dear Kelsea,

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

love,

God

tear filled eyes and an unwilling/ungrateful heart kept me from seeing and receiving the new amazing blessings coming straight from the Father. I missed out on moments to praise Him. I missed out on beautiful moments that could have been spent simply admiring the goodness of our King, to instead, sit here blind to so many brand new blessings all around me just waiting to be acknowledged.

and the crazy part is, God kept bringing them even though I wasn’t seeing them. He kept them coming even when there was no “thank you” uttered in return. I don’t know what could more perfectly demonstrate His merciful and giving heart better than that does. and it get’s even crazier when you realize that the ungratefulness is a daily occurrence, yet he still keeps the good things coming in some way, shape, or form. just observe  the very breath you’re breathing right now, have you thanked him for it yet? just the thought of all the mercy, love, and grace it’s going to take to cover all my mistakes from today weighs on my heart, but before I can even grasp the thought of the depths of His forgiveness and love, each mistake has been forgotten and replaced by a clean new slate. have I profusely thanked Him for that yet?

so before you miss another blessing flowing from our good and gracious Father above, sit and look around for a minute and just watch them. “name them one by one” – good luck though, His faithfulness being played out in your life day by day is really hard to keep track of, much less fathom.

every good and perfect gift is coming down from the Father, all we have to do is look up.


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