03, 12, 2015
As I sat in bed last night trying to get myself to study for a really important test, I just got overcome with this longing for the Word, that I’ll be honest I haven’t felt in a while. So I opened my Bible.
and y’all, the Lord is so faithful and good to reveal and speak truth into the lives of His children when they come before Him with hurting voids, so desperately needing to be filled by truth and love.
Tonight He filled a void that I’ve left empty for a while now, and I didn’t realize how deep the void was until I opened His word, alone, for the first time in far too long and read psalm 25:5:
“Lead me in your truth and teach me. For you are the God of my salvation;
On you I wait all the day.”
Lead me in YOUR truth.
For a huge portion of this semester I have been living on empty truths. Life will be good once you get out of college. If you don’t find a husband in college, you never will. If you don’t get involved in 18353829 organizations on campus you wont meet any people and you definitely wont be able to make an impact. If your GPA isn’t a 3.6 or higher by the end of this semester, you aren’t a good student. If you don’t do well in school, you wont be able to do well in life – the list goes on. The long list of lies I’ve held as truths could go on forever. And while I focused more and more on every single one of those lies I got drawn farther and farther away from His truth. I got farther and farther away from His teaching. I got out of His Word and into the world for a little while. I got away from his lead and started leading myself. And it has been exhausting.
And I hate that I spent so many nights sitting here worrying about lies when I had The Truth right in front of me, sitting in the form of the book on my bedside table.
His truth was trying to tell me on the Friday nights when I was sitting at home instead of out “having a good time” at one of the many parties going on or at one of the many bars in a college town, feeling unpopular, unloved, and alone, that I am, according to the only One that matters, worth so much more. His truth was sitting there ready to remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, loved beyond belief, and desired by the God of the universe.
His truth was trying to tell me on the nights when I felt like I wasn’t a part of anything important, that I am, according to His truth, a daughter of of the King of Kings. That I was set apart before the formation of the earth was laid, for good works. That I have a very real purpose and that all of the days appointed for me were known by Him before one of those days came to be. His truth was trying to tell me all along that I was created and alive, even when I’m sitting at home on a Friday night without plans and without a boyfriend, feeling useless in College Station, TX., for such a time as this.
And I know I am not alone, sadly. I know that I’m not the only 18 year-old college student that has sat at home on a Friday night feeling unimportant and very alone.
But from here on out, I refuse to believe those lies disguised as truth.
From here on out, I will choose to follow His lead.
On those nights when I feel overtaken by loneliness, I will follow His lead straight to His word. A place where purpose is clear, where peace is found, where voids are filled with love to the point of overflowing, where grace and mercy abound, and where truth reigns.
And I really hope you’ll join me there. I pray you’ll accept the peace, grace, mercy, and truths that you find there with an open heart. I pray that you’ll stop trying to lead yourself through this life, because I know all too well the exhaustion and fear that come along with the choice to journey through life as the captain of your own ship.
I pray that you will find the courage to follow The Leader and I pray that I will too.